Monday, August 9, 2010

The talk

I had to have "the talk" with my aunt...
She can no longer live by herself and will be in the nursing home for good...
Somethings in life are just not fair...
It was not fair that my Dad was in a nursing home, taken away from his wife of 58 yrs to spend the last 3 yrs of their marriage alone and apart from each other...I saw her cry so much
every time they had to part from each other..
It was not fair that after he passed Mom got worse and I had to move her from her home of over 50 yrs to an assisted living facility...It was not fair she cried herself to sleep...I tried to sooth her but she did not understand...
They never do understand that you are doing this for their safety and well being..
It is not fair I am having to be in charge of my aunt because no one else will...
It is not fair I am having to have "the talk" with her and that I am the one to see the tears...

Yes some things in life are just not fair...so I ask myself How do you deal with the unfairness of life?
1 You trust God that the unfairness is part of HIS plan
2- You look at the good side of life...the people he has brought together the times I spent with Dad at the nursing home sharing pop with him while he thought he was a school bus driver
3- You laugh at the little things, and cry when you feel the need to (It helps you feel better)
4 You find it is OK to get mad, or angry and sad because that is a part of life
5 and most important you enjoy life while you have it...go on trips, have BBQ's, pray and life one day at a time because God has not promised you a tomorrow but he has promised you LIFE for today!!!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Why does no one care??

Why does no one care??
Why does my family not care how this effects me mentally??
Why do they think I am the one to do everything??
I can't I cried all night long...I feel like I am falling apart...

My aunt called me yesterday wanting this and wanting that...Hello why does she not
call her grandchildren??

A wise woman yesterday quoted the Serenty Prayer to me yesterday so she told me to disect it and list what I have to do and what I do not have to do...
As her POA I am required to sign documents, handle her bank accounts and get her on DHS (this is what I need GODS help in as it so reminds me of the hell I went through with my parents and I hate no one cares what I went through)
However this is what I will NOT do...I will tell my aunt if she needs anything to call her grandchildren, I will tell the nursing home they will have to handle all MEDICAL stuff, I will let her family bury her, I will NOT visit her every week I will let her grandchildren visit her and If they don't I will NOT feel guilty...

God help me I feel so sad and so upset and I feel like I am having a breakdown and no one cares..

Monday, August 2, 2010

Having a Mental Day

Ever live your life all over again???
Well this is it again...and I feel another breakdown..
First I took care of my Dad...took over his finances downsized him, moved him into the nursing home and salvaged half their assets for Mom who never worked...

Then I took care of my Mom over night the caregiving changed from Dad to Mom...especially after dads death...I had to again downsize her continue overseeing her finances moving her into Independent living then assisted living and managing her care...

Well now Mom has been gone 6 months and my nightmare continues...now it is my aunt...I signed up a long time ago to be her POA so I am in charge of downsizing her, moving her into the nursing home and managing her care...

I really feel a mental breakdown coming down and I am sad, depressed and feel such a burden on my sholders...unless someone has had to care for an elderly relative they cannot understand...
I just want to cry...and say Why me??