Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Friday, January 25, 2013
Lessons Learned
Seems my entire marriage I only wanted one thing, to be a Mother & have a family...will not go into detail but that was not in Gods plan, so I became a caregiver to Dad, then Mom, then Aunt. So after they all passed I wanted so much for family, I did not want it to be just me and my husband. I wanted more, a big family. We connected with relatives we had not seen for awhile so in a few years we decided to leave our house, our friends, our church and retire and move. Yes God granted me the desires of my heart. Little did I know what that would mean, to give up all including our lifestyle to have family deny us, tell us we are not family try to make us spur of the moment when we are planners. To eat at the same place every week, to suffer depression to miss your life. To leave a new house for a 50 year old house, and have the feeling your going backwards. So we are returning home but not the same, with a new heart, with a new appreciation and knowledge that even though we are just two we are family and that's what matters.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Fathers and Daughters
Last night I was walking through the park and there she was...the little girl on the Barbie Bike...she had to pet the dogs...she was so sweet and behind her was her dad...it reminded me of my innocent days...when dad & I would go to the park and play ball...then the Tamale man with his cart would come by and we would get a Tamale...
I will never forget my dad and the time he spent with me...I pray the little girl will never forget her dad either and the time he is spending with her...
God bless the dads that take time for their daughters...and I pray the daughters really know how blessed they are to have a dad like that!!
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Friday, March 9, 2012
The Perfect Life
What is the Perfect Life? To me it is a Mother, Father and two or three children...all working and playing and shopping together...
I see on Facebook all the Families, the parents, the grandparents, the people I grew up with who post pictures of their kids and grandchildren...the eat together, they play together, they shop together...
Since I do not have children of course I think the perfect life consists of children,
Others who have children think the perfect life is without children (especially during the terrible twos) stage
In reality there is no perfect life...
For over 32 years I shopped with my Mom, now she is not there I have no Mother or daughter to shop with. But sometimes God does not give us what we want but what we need. I may not have a Mother or daughter but I have Friends and Sisters and Cousins who are all willing and fun to shop with...not what we want but what we need..
My husband has even gone shopping with me (although I shop at Sams for the food samples and he shops to get out of there with or without me)..
To me a perfect life would be a grandmother, to be able to go to childrens school programs, to be able to go to the Birthday parties, to have a preacher recognize us as grandparents ...God does not give us what we want but what we need. Even this is what I want maybe all I need is a HUG from a neighborhood child, or to see someone else grandchild and see the two together...to have the kids in the park pet my dogs and see the smile it brings them, heck at least I will never be grandparent age!!
One thing my Mom did teach me is about the Perfect Life...you see there is no perfect life until we go to Heaven...If we were happy and content down here we would have nothing to look forward to and we would not want to go to Heaven to be with Jesus...
After All Jesus give us the contentment to live the unperfect life and God is preparing for us the Perfect Life with Him forever...
I see on Facebook all the Families, the parents, the grandparents, the people I grew up with who post pictures of their kids and grandchildren...the eat together, they play together, they shop together...
Since I do not have children of course I think the perfect life consists of children,
Others who have children think the perfect life is without children (especially during the terrible twos) stage
In reality there is no perfect life...
For over 32 years I shopped with my Mom, now she is not there I have no Mother or daughter to shop with. But sometimes God does not give us what we want but what we need. I may not have a Mother or daughter but I have Friends and Sisters and Cousins who are all willing and fun to shop with...not what we want but what we need..
My husband has even gone shopping with me (although I shop at Sams for the food samples and he shops to get out of there with or without me)..
To me a perfect life would be a grandmother, to be able to go to childrens school programs, to be able to go to the Birthday parties, to have a preacher recognize us as grandparents ...God does not give us what we want but what we need. Even this is what I want maybe all I need is a HUG from a neighborhood child, or to see someone else grandchild and see the two together...to have the kids in the park pet my dogs and see the smile it brings them, heck at least I will never be grandparent age!!
One thing my Mom did teach me is about the Perfect Life...you see there is no perfect life until we go to Heaven...If we were happy and content down here we would have nothing to look forward to and we would not want to go to Heaven to be with Jesus...
After All Jesus give us the contentment to live the unperfect life and God is preparing for us the Perfect Life with Him forever...
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Life Changes
Life is constantly changing...it has its up and downs...it has gains and losses...it has excitement and disappointments..
So WHY do I sweat the small stuff?
WHY do I worry about the outcome when it eventually all works out? God is always in control..we cannot see the whole picture the way He can..
So we need to make the most out of whatever comes our way...take one day at a time, smile, and live life to the Fullest...
Today is a new day, a new step in the history of my life, a new chapter, a new page...and I plan to enjoy it!!!
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Monday, December 12, 2011
Loses and Gains
Loses and Gains
Two years ago today I lost my dear Mom...She was 87 Years old...she was my life. I was here care giver but I was also her daughter and I was her shopping buddy...we did everything together. I took her to church, we went shopping together, we laughed together we cried together we crocheted together and we spent a lot of time together. I saw her on her good days and I saw her on her bad days. She had lost her husband 14 months earlier and it was so sad to see her go through that. We went through placing her husband in a nursing home, visiting him, having him in and out of the hospital and his death. We also shared good times together, every year we would shop on Veterans Day, on New Years, on Mothers Day week-end...Oh yes and Mothers Day...I hated that day because I could not be a Mother and be among the cherished however I learned to honor my Mom and be with her and enjoy that day through her...
Little did I know how My life would change through her loss...I gained so much..
1- I gained knowing there are good Christian people who will help you during hard times...Like the couple that helped us clean out Moms apartment,
2- Like my Friend who talked to me when I had my Breakdown at Kohls...
3- I gained a Prayer life...Mom was no longer there to pray for me when I am driving home on ice covered roads...yep I have to do that myself now...
4- I have gained new family...You see since we do not have children My Parents were our life...I now have cousins on both sides that are family...we have enjoyment again at Holidays...We have the priviliage of seeing kids delight at Christmas again...
5- I have a real sister whom never talks to be and I never see so I now have an adopted sister whom I am able to share everything with...we laugh together, we shop together, we cry together...she may not be blood but she is what a sister should be.
6- I also took both Mom and Dad to church, Our church life involved around them...You see Dad was a Deacon so I gave up our church life together for them...after all they took us to church when we were little...I have since gained a terrific church family...One of the best...I could not ask for a better church...
On the Anniversary of Moms death I do not want to look at her loss but rather on my gains and my life oh yes she will be missed however I chose to remember her Christian life and what she taught me and that she would want me to concentrate on my gains after all my Mom told me that God would send me someone to help take care of me...God did more than that...He has sent to me a lot of people to help take care of me...I am so Blessed!!
Two years ago today I lost my dear Mom...She was 87 Years old...she was my life. I was here care giver but I was also her daughter and I was her shopping buddy...we did everything together. I took her to church, we went shopping together, we laughed together we cried together we crocheted together and we spent a lot of time together. I saw her on her good days and I saw her on her bad days. She had lost her husband 14 months earlier and it was so sad to see her go through that. We went through placing her husband in a nursing home, visiting him, having him in and out of the hospital and his death. We also shared good times together, every year we would shop on Veterans Day, on New Years, on Mothers Day week-end...Oh yes and Mothers Day...I hated that day because I could not be a Mother and be among the cherished however I learned to honor my Mom and be with her and enjoy that day through her...
Little did I know how My life would change through her loss...I gained so much..
1- I gained knowing there are good Christian people who will help you during hard times...Like the couple that helped us clean out Moms apartment,
2- Like my Friend who talked to me when I had my Breakdown at Kohls...
3- I gained a Prayer life...Mom was no longer there to pray for me when I am driving home on ice covered roads...yep I have to do that myself now...
4- I have gained new family...You see since we do not have children My Parents were our life...I now have cousins on both sides that are family...we have enjoyment again at Holidays...We have the priviliage of seeing kids delight at Christmas again...
5- I have a real sister whom never talks to be and I never see so I now have an adopted sister whom I am able to share everything with...we laugh together, we shop together, we cry together...she may not be blood but she is what a sister should be.
6- I also took both Mom and Dad to church, Our church life involved around them...You see Dad was a Deacon so I gave up our church life together for them...after all they took us to church when we were little...I have since gained a terrific church family...One of the best...I could not ask for a better church...
On the Anniversary of Moms death I do not want to look at her loss but rather on my gains and my life oh yes she will be missed however I chose to remember her Christian life and what she taught me and that she would want me to concentrate on my gains after all my Mom told me that God would send me someone to help take care of me...God did more than that...He has sent to me a lot of people to help take care of me...I am so Blessed!!
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Lost
The other night we went out to eat in the great town of Choctaw, OK Little did I know what we were in for...
We drove through trees and countryside until we finally got to the restaurant wayyyy
Out there to find out we needed reservations so we are starved, out in the country with not even a 7-11 much less a restaurant so I did the most logical thing when one in lost....I called the Highway Patrol!!!
Since I work there I have many co-workers all over the state So we called one from Choctaw....
We were again directed up & down hills through countryside until we finally reached civilization & a nice Mexican restaurant...
Then we headed back home
What did I learn?
1- Choctaw is alot bigger than we thought
2- There is Beautiful country out there we need to get out of out area more
3- I love my Fellow OHP Officers always willing to help & recommend food
4- We have reservations for next week
So we get to do it again!!!
We drove through trees and countryside until we finally got to the restaurant wayyyy
Out there to find out we needed reservations so we are starved, out in the country with not even a 7-11 much less a restaurant so I did the most logical thing when one in lost....I called the Highway Patrol!!!
Since I work there I have many co-workers all over the state So we called one from Choctaw....
We were again directed up & down hills through countryside until we finally reached civilization & a nice Mexican restaurant...
Then we headed back home
What did I learn?
1- Choctaw is alot bigger than we thought
2- There is Beautiful country out there we need to get out of out area more
3- I love my Fellow OHP Officers always willing to help & recommend food
4- We have reservations for next week
So we get to do it again!!!
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Lifestyle
Everyone has their own lifestyle...many are chosen by chance & circumstances...
At times we hate our lifestyles...Parents & Grandparents get stressed by the kids...children grow up & go to college & come home...it is a constant hubbub of stress and worry & envying the quiet lifestyles....But wait I am here to give the other side...Sometimes I think this is my purpose in life to say "Be Thankful for Children and Stress"
Our lifestyle is only two...no kids Birthday parties...no graduations...no college or weddings....
Going to church on Sundays & watching Families gather & them coming home by ourselves or going to restaurants by ourselves...traveling by ourselves, vacationing by ourselves...to many it looks GREAT but for us we lack the fun part of life...
And so we have to create our own Fun...I have a real sister whom never speaks to me so I have an Adopted Sister whom I love & loves me...she adds spice & excitement to my life...
I have a cousin whom I adore & a cousin on Mikes side we adore...
We have had to create our own family...
As kids grow up lifestyles change & so with us...as we get older our lifestyle changes & we realize our life is but a Fleeting Moment so LOVE your children, your husband, your family, your Lifestyle and don't envy Others!!! I am practicing this today!!
At times we hate our lifestyles...Parents & Grandparents get stressed by the kids...children grow up & go to college & come home...it is a constant hubbub of stress and worry & envying the quiet lifestyles....But wait I am here to give the other side...Sometimes I think this is my purpose in life to say "Be Thankful for Children and Stress"
Our lifestyle is only two...no kids Birthday parties...no graduations...no college or weddings....
Going to church on Sundays & watching Families gather & them coming home by ourselves or going to restaurants by ourselves...traveling by ourselves, vacationing by ourselves...to many it looks GREAT but for us we lack the fun part of life...
And so we have to create our own Fun...I have a real sister whom never speaks to me so I have an Adopted Sister whom I love & loves me...she adds spice & excitement to my life...
I have a cousin whom I adore & a cousin on Mikes side we adore...
We have had to create our own family...
As kids grow up lifestyles change & so with us...as we get older our lifestyle changes & we realize our life is but a Fleeting Moment so LOVE your children, your husband, your family, your Lifestyle and don't envy Others!!! I am practicing this today!!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Memories
I saw a picture of my childhood home...it was snow covered & had the car I am now driving out in front...
It brought back Memories of my Mom...how we went to Crest Grocery every other week, how I would stop by to visit & take her a meal or go out shopping...
Memories of both her & Dad...Mom was my shopping buddy & Dad was my Breakfast buddy...
There were many Memories both good & Bad...the many times I was called because. One of them had taken a Fall...
I began to be sad, missing them both...then I heard my Moms words
"If Life here on Earth were perfect we'ld never want to go to Heaven to be with Jesus" If we were Happy all the time we would not want the Happiness in Heaven...
I Thank God for Memories & for good & bad times both & for when I feel unhappy because in the sadness I know there's the Hope of Joy Forever....
Now my Parents are experiencing that Joy...
Thanks Mom for teaching me how to live when I am sad...Hope for everlasting Joy!!
: D
It brought back Memories of my Mom...how we went to Crest Grocery every other week, how I would stop by to visit & take her a meal or go out shopping...
Memories of both her & Dad...Mom was my shopping buddy & Dad was my Breakfast buddy...
There were many Memories both good & Bad...the many times I was called because. One of them had taken a Fall...
I began to be sad, missing them both...then I heard my Moms words
"If Life here on Earth were perfect we'ld never want to go to Heaven to be with Jesus" If we were Happy all the time we would not want the Happiness in Heaven...
I Thank God for Memories & for good & bad times both & for when I feel unhappy because in the sadness I know there's the Hope of Joy Forever....
Now my Parents are experiencing that Joy...
Thanks Mom for teaching me how to live when I am sad...Hope for everlasting Joy!!
: D
Friday, August 26, 2011
My Final Day
Seems recently alot of people I've known growing up are now passing or having major health issues...
We never know when it is our time...my poor dad was on his death bed for three years yet many are taken from us over-night...
So I wonder if this were my Final Day here on earth & I somehow knew it, would my life be any different...
Would I be more positive instead of complaining? Would my attitude or conversation be different? Would my work ethics change, or my hobbies?
May we live each day, each moment as if it were our last & may we treat each other with kindness & respect and have gratitude in everything!
We never know when it is our time...my poor dad was on his death bed for three years yet many are taken from us over-night...
So I wonder if this were my Final Day here on earth & I somehow knew it, would my life be any different...
Would I be more positive instead of complaining? Would my attitude or conversation be different? Would my work ethics change, or my hobbies?
May we live each day, each moment as if it were our last & may we treat each other with kindness & respect and have gratitude in everything!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
The Hero
I was about to get gas when I saw him sitting in the car in front of me...He was all bent over & had a withered look..He was elderly, probably couldn't drive anymore, waiting on his daughter to get gas. He reminded me so much of my Dad...the slump...the withered look...spending time with his daughter...He had on a hat..My dad always wore one too..the hat of pride declaring he was a Vet whom had served In the war...I went up to him...Shook his hand & Thanked him...
Somehow the price of the gas seemed irrelevant but the price he paid for me to stop & get it more relevant...The price of Freedom!!
Somehow the price of the gas seemed irrelevant but the price he paid for me to stop & get it more relevant...The price of Freedom!!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Life Today
Computers crashing all around us
Life problems crashing all around us
Life is full of waiting on computer updates, waiting to reboot, waiting for the
Web site to upload....
Why not wait on God???
Why worry & Fret when God is in control!!
Be still & know that I am God (Ps 46:10)
Life problems crashing all around us
Life is full of waiting on computer updates, waiting to reboot, waiting for the
Web site to upload....
Why not wait on God???
Why worry & Fret when God is in control!!
Be still & know that I am God (Ps 46:10)
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Gratitude
Too many times we go through life without gratitude
I am Thankful for my husband & my dogs...for family for the cousins that love us and my adopted sister...
Just when we thought we had no family God provided abundantly!!!
But I am also Thankful for the small things...for the grocery clerk, the paper boy for food & people that provide services every day....
May I not dwell on my problems in life on what I don't have & instead praise for Gods goodness!!!
I am Thankful for my husband & my dogs...for family for the cousins that love us and my adopted sister...
Just when we thought we had no family God provided abundantly!!!
But I am also Thankful for the small things...for the grocery clerk, the paper boy for food & people that provide services every day....
May I not dwell on my problems in life on what I don't have & instead praise for Gods goodness!!!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Who will care for me???
I listen quietly as the others talk
"oh my son will decide" one lady says
"my daughter will make the decisions"
Another chimes in
I listen quietly...you see We have no one who will make decisions for us, or help
Us or see about us
That is one of the drawbacks of living childless without Family
Oh my niece has signed to take over when we can't but EXCUSE me
We never talk to her nor see her...so
How does she know what we want &
I don't want someone I never see or hear
From deciding where I am going to spend
My last days...
So we will care for each other & live day to day & trust that we will go before we need more help than we can give ourselves!!!
Maybe I should just say God will care for us as that's all we have!!
<3
"oh my son will decide" one lady says
"my daughter will make the decisions"
Another chimes in
I listen quietly...you see We have no one who will make decisions for us, or help
Us or see about us
That is one of the drawbacks of living childless without Family
Oh my niece has signed to take over when we can't but EXCUSE me
We never talk to her nor see her...so
How does she know what we want &
I don't want someone I never see or hear
From deciding where I am going to spend
My last days...
So we will care for each other & live day to day & trust that we will go before we need more help than we can give ourselves!!!
Maybe I should just say God will care for us as that's all we have!!
<3
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Computer age
A LONG time ago I would save my Craft
Patterns in files, then they went into Notebooks...Got 20 or so notebooks...
Then the Floppy disks came out so I have 30 or so Floppy Disks...oh and then
CDs so have a pile of CD's and now Thumb Drives...so I now have several of Thumb Drives...
So when I need a Pattern I go to my books & Files...forget the disk I have no
Floppy device and I have NO time to search through my CDs & Thumb Drives
Because several hours have now passed
So I do an Internet Search and there it is...
So why do I keep it all....
Because they are my Craft Patterns
: > )
Patterns in files, then they went into Notebooks...Got 20 or so notebooks...
Then the Floppy disks came out so I have 30 or so Floppy Disks...oh and then
CDs so have a pile of CD's and now Thumb Drives...so I now have several of Thumb Drives...
So when I need a Pattern I go to my books & Files...forget the disk I have no
Floppy device and I have NO time to search through my CDs & Thumb Drives
Because several hours have now passed
So I do an Internet Search and there it is...
So why do I keep it all....
Because they are my Craft Patterns
: > )
Friday, June 3, 2011
Be the Best you can be
Today I received a message from a dear
Friend of mine who reminded me of a very important lesson...
Be the best you can be
Whether you are a mother, daughter, wife
Or friend...you need to strive to be the BEST
In the past year or so (since Mom died) I
Have reconnected with old friends, cousins, nieces & nephews
I have made new friends & now have an adopted sister...
So in order to find happiness we need to strive for the best where God places us...
I am soooo blessed!!!
Friend of mine who reminded me of a very important lesson...
Be the best you can be
Whether you are a mother, daughter, wife
Or friend...you need to strive to be the BEST
In the past year or so (since Mom died) I
Have reconnected with old friends, cousins, nieces & nephews
I have made new friends & now have an adopted sister...
So in order to find happiness we need to strive for the best where God places us...
I am soooo blessed!!!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
New church
We love our church...it is small
But at times I find it difficult to fit into a
Church where people have known each other for years but have only known us for a little while...
I see my poor cousin & all she is going through with her husband but there are church people there & relatives there, her daughter, step-daughter, step-son etc
When I cared for my parents I was by myself...my Mom passed with me only...no family...no church..only Me & wait God...
Yep I do get jealous as no one there knows where we have been, but they know each other...so life goes on...the times I remember God was not there He really was...
How I long for a Large family & alot of church friends...but you can't have everything now can you???
How I remember pastors in the past that loved us & had a relationship with us...but I need to realize it won't be that way again!!!
Life goes on & now I need to learn how to deal with a Jealous heart!!!
I think it all stems from our inabilities to have children & a big family!!!
If we had children life would be different, there would be Kids they grew up with, churches they grew up in, schools, graduations, weddings etc
Instead the last 10 years have been Nursing Homes, independent living centers, Assisted living centers, hospice, hospitals & fitting in work also!!!
Only God knows WHY!!
But at times I find it difficult to fit into a
Church where people have known each other for years but have only known us for a little while...
I see my poor cousin & all she is going through with her husband but there are church people there & relatives there, her daughter, step-daughter, step-son etc
When I cared for my parents I was by myself...my Mom passed with me only...no family...no church..only Me & wait God...
Yep I do get jealous as no one there knows where we have been, but they know each other...so life goes on...the times I remember God was not there He really was...
How I long for a Large family & alot of church friends...but you can't have everything now can you???
How I remember pastors in the past that loved us & had a relationship with us...but I need to realize it won't be that way again!!!
Life goes on & now I need to learn how to deal with a Jealous heart!!!
I think it all stems from our inabilities to have children & a big family!!!
If we had children life would be different, there would be Kids they grew up with, churches they grew up in, schools, graduations, weddings etc
Instead the last 10 years have been Nursing Homes, independent living centers, Assisted living centers, hospice, hospitals & fitting in work also!!!
Only God knows WHY!!
Monday, May 16, 2011
33 years of Marriage
After 33 years of marriage I look back. When we were newly weds we had high
Hopes & dreams. A big house by the lake with lots of children.
Dreams never cease but they just change.
We have camped together in tents, on motorcycles, in pouring rain, tornados & storms.
But we also faced the storms of life.
While many men are there for the birth of the child, my husband was there for each surgery to have a child...he held my hand when I cried & he understood because he faced the same emotions...
We prayed together & cried together & are still childless...while many became parents & now grandparents we will never have that role or that graduation or wedding that parents share!!!
Then there was the caregiving years, not something we asked for but a very stressful yet enjoyable time. From the year dad moved in with us to the placement in a nursing home to moving Mom from her house of over 50 years..
I would like to say we were strong & endured each trial bravely, when in reality we needed others to hold us up. We learned to laugh through it all & look for the good..
Together we faced the parents death & now I find myself asking the same questions they did "who will take care of me"?
The answer lies in what I told Mom & Dad "God will take care of you"
Life may not always be what you started dreaming it would be, but it will always be where God leads it to be!!
Hopes & dreams. A big house by the lake with lots of children.
Dreams never cease but they just change.
We have camped together in tents, on motorcycles, in pouring rain, tornados & storms.
But we also faced the storms of life.
While many men are there for the birth of the child, my husband was there for each surgery to have a child...he held my hand when I cried & he understood because he faced the same emotions...
We prayed together & cried together & are still childless...while many became parents & now grandparents we will never have that role or that graduation or wedding that parents share!!!
Then there was the caregiving years, not something we asked for but a very stressful yet enjoyable time. From the year dad moved in with us to the placement in a nursing home to moving Mom from her house of over 50 years..
I would like to say we were strong & endured each trial bravely, when in reality we needed others to hold us up. We learned to laugh through it all & look for the good..
Together we faced the parents death & now I find myself asking the same questions they did "who will take care of me"?
The answer lies in what I told Mom & Dad "God will take care of you"
Life may not always be what you started dreaming it would be, but it will always be where God leads it to be!!
Friday, April 29, 2011
Work & Family
Sometimes I get frustrated with work & being w Family...when dad was in the nursing home he would go in the Hosp for blood transfusions...at first Mom & I would take turns being w him...until it was becoming every other month and even with a job w Family leave you have to decide do I go every time he goes into the hospital (even for overnight) & every nursing home mtg & take Mom to the Drs etc etc ( yes there Is still guilt there)
Now my poor cousins husband is in the hospital & I wish I could be with her...sit with her & hold her hand but work, job & life prevents me from doing that!!!
I LOVE you Nolie!!!
You have been a blessing to me!!!
Now my poor cousins husband is in the hospital & I wish I could be with her...sit with her & hold her hand but work, job & life prevents me from doing that!!!
I LOVE you Nolie!!!
You have been a blessing to me!!!
Monday, April 25, 2011
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