Sunday, September 26, 2010

Discrimination

Today we went to Sunday School...we have not gone to Sunday School for quite a while as we have personal problems fitting into the group....Yes I say Personal problems for we understand it is not anyone except us......we are the outsiders we are different...since we don't have kids...

so we go today and what is the lesson on "Discrimination" OK so are we discriminated against or do we discriminate??? Maybe we put out lives in a mold and make ourselves different...Maybe we just wanted to have children so much we never got past it...
Am I being Discriminated against or do I discriminate against Mothers??
Last Night I sat by a friend...she has four children and a new grandbaby to which she never has seen you see her son lives in Colorado and she is caring for a Special needs child so her son cannot afford to come here nor can she afford to go there...so she was showing me pics of the grandbaby she has not seen,,,Look, listen the way I want others to look and listen to me...
So when I went to bed I said a special prayer for her...

You see I don't blame people...heck if we had a while household full of teenagers and grandchildren I sure would NOT have time to get with others...so Maybe it is ourselves...or because I see my womanhood in jepordy...
One thing I have learned from dealing with the parents is there is NO perfect situation...My Dad was not happy...he fell alot and had to do what we told him to do and he was not happy (but he did teach me ice cream healed every hurt), Mom was not happy...yes she was a mother so motherhood must not be the answer...Mom lost a child at birth and Mom had TB two things she never got over...Mom always thought no one loved her...and Mom was upset alot (I think alot of it at the end had to do with her Alz) and my aunt was not happy...I have found poems she wrote about her unhappiness when her son took her grandchildren away from her...
and her I think alot of times Motherhood is the answer to my unhappiness...If I only had children I would fit in and I would be happy and I would not feel discriminated against...
I sit here in tears...because I don't want to be discriminated against nor do I want to discriminate...
So where do you find happiness??? Will I live the rest of my entire life unhappy because I am not a mother?? If I let it ruin my life it will...If I don't get a grip on it then it will be there forever...so starting today I will read one scripture verse a day...so strive for happiness that I don't feel right now...Yes I know I am not perfect and yes I don't read the Bible like I should...heck I even downloaded a Bible app thinking it would help me to get into the Bible more...so I have Gods word at my desk, in my home and even on my phone and I cannot read just one verse a day...no wonder I am so unhappy!!!
I just recently heard on the radio a story of a man that was complaining about all his problems and his friend said he would take him someplace where there was not problems...so he took him to the cemetary...You see no one there has problems because they are all dead...everyone has problems and happiness is a choice...so choose happiness...
Remember starting today one verse a day I choose Happiness!!!

1 comment:

nurturedheartgal said...

Nita, choices are important and we make a multitude of them each and every day. Choosing happiness over all the others you could have made demonstrates so many attributes of greatness that so many others in this world have given up on. You have not! Thank you for sharing that with the world! While knowing that there are still times we have such difficulties and struggles, we can still make decisions to hold our heads high and hold on to the higher branch knowing that there is a reason or a goal for us still to attain - hugs! I know there are difficult days ahead, but you aren't alone.