Monday, December 12, 2011

Loses and Gains

Loses and Gains
Two years ago today I lost my dear Mom...She was 87 Years old...she was my life. I was here care giver but I was also her daughter and I was her shopping buddy...we did everything together. I took her to church, we went shopping together, we laughed together we cried together we crocheted together and we spent a lot of time together. I saw her on her good days and I saw her on her bad days. She had lost her husband 14 months earlier and it was so sad to see her go through that. We went through placing her husband in a nursing home, visiting him, having him in and out of the hospital and his death. We also shared good times together, every year we would shop on Veterans Day, on New Years, on Mothers Day week-end...Oh yes and Mothers Day...I hated that day because I could not be a Mother and be among the cherished however I learned to honor my Mom and be with her and enjoy that day through her...
Little did I know how My life would change through her loss...I gained so much..
1- I gained knowing there are good Christian people who will help you during hard times...Like the couple that helped us clean out Moms apartment,
2- Like my Friend who talked to me when I had my Breakdown at Kohls...
3- I gained a Prayer life...Mom was no longer there to pray for me when I am driving home on ice covered roads...yep I have to do that myself now...
4- I have gained new family...You see since we do not have children My Parents were our life...I now have cousins on both sides that are family...we have enjoyment again at Holidays...We have the priviliage of seeing kids delight at Christmas again...
5- I have a real sister whom never talks to be and I never see so I now have an adopted sister whom I am able to share everything with...we laugh together, we shop together, we cry together...she may not be blood but she is what a sister should be.
6- I also took both Mom and Dad to church, Our church life involved around them...You see Dad was a Deacon so I gave up our church life together for them...after all they took us to church when we were little...I have since gained a terrific church family...One of the best...I could not ask for a better church...
On the Anniversary of Moms death I do not want to look at her loss but rather on my gains and my life oh yes she will be missed however I chose to remember her Christian life and what she taught me and that she would want me to concentrate on my gains after all my Mom told me that God would send me someone to help take care of me...God did more than that...He has sent to me a lot of people to help take care of me...I am so Blessed!!

Sunday, September 25, 2011


The other night we went out to eat in the great town of Choctaw, OK Little did I know what we were in for...
We drove through trees and countryside until we finally got to the restaurant wayyyy
Out there to find out we needed reservations so we are starved, out in the country with not even a 7-11 much less a restaurant so I did the most logical thing when one in lost....I called the Highway Patrol!!!
Since I work there I have many co-workers all over the state So we called one from Choctaw....
We were again directed up & down hills through countryside until we finally reached civilization & a nice Mexican restaurant...
Then we headed back home
What did I learn?
1- Choctaw is alot bigger than we thought
2- There is Beautiful country out there we need to get out of out area more
3- I love my Fellow OHP Officers always willing to help & recommend food
4- We have reservations for next week
So we get to do it again!!!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011


Everyone has their own lifestyle...many are chosen by chance & circumstances...
At times we hate our lifestyles...Parents & Grandparents get stressed by the kids...children grow up & go to college & come is a constant hubbub of stress and worry & envying the quiet lifestyles....But wait I am here to give the other side...Sometimes I think this is my purpose in life to say "Be Thankful for Children and Stress"
Our lifestyle is only kids Birthday college or weddings....
Going to church on Sundays & watching Families gather & them coming home by ourselves or going to restaurants by ourselves...traveling by ourselves, vacationing by many it looks GREAT but for us we lack the fun part of life...
And so we have to create our own Fun...I have a real sister whom never speaks to me so I have an Adopted Sister whom I love & loves me...she adds spice & excitement to my life...
I have a cousin whom I adore & a cousin on Mikes side we adore...
We have had to create our own family...
As kids grow up lifestyles change & so with we get older our lifestyle changes & we realize our life is but a Fleeting Moment so LOVE your children, your husband, your family, your Lifestyle and don't envy Others!!! I am practicing this today!!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011


I saw a picture of my childhood was snow covered & had the car I am now driving out in front...
It brought back Memories of my we went to Crest Grocery every other week, how I would stop by to visit & take her a meal or go out shopping...
Memories of both her & Dad...Mom was my shopping buddy & Dad was my Breakfast buddy...
There were many Memories both good & Bad...the many times I was called because. One of them had taken a Fall...
I began to be sad, missing them both...then I heard my Moms words
"If Life here on Earth were perfect we'ld never want to go to Heaven to be with Jesus" If we were Happy all the time we would not want the Happiness in Heaven...
I Thank God for Memories & for good & bad times both & for when I feel unhappy because in the sadness I know there's the Hope of Joy Forever....
Now my Parents are experiencing that Joy...
Thanks Mom for teaching me how to live when I am sad...Hope for everlasting Joy!!
: D

Friday, August 26, 2011

My Final Day

Seems recently alot of people I've known growing up are now passing or having major health issues...
We never know when it is our poor dad was on his death bed for three years yet many are taken from us over-night...
So I wonder if this were my Final Day here on earth & I somehow knew it, would my life be any different...
Would I be more positive instead of complaining? Would my attitude or conversation be different? Would my work ethics change, or my hobbies?
May we live each day, each moment as if it were our last & may we treat each other with kindness & respect and have gratitude in everything!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

The Hero

I was about to get gas when I saw him sitting in the car in front of me...He was all bent over & had a withered look..He was elderly, probably couldn't drive anymore, waiting on his daughter to get gas. He reminded me so much of my Dad...the slump...the withered look...spending time with his daughter...He had on a hat..My dad always wore one too..the hat of pride declaring he was a Vet whom had served In the war...I went up to him...Shook his hand & Thanked him...
Somehow the price of the gas seemed irrelevant but the price he paid for me to stop & get it more relevant...The price of Freedom!!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Life Today

Computers crashing all around us
Life problems crashing all around us
Life is full of waiting on computer updates, waiting to reboot, waiting for the
Web site to upload....
Why not wait on God???
Why worry & Fret when God is in control!!
Be still & know that I am God (Ps 46:10)

Sunday, August 14, 2011


Too many times we go through life without gratitude
I am Thankful for my husband & my dogs...for family for the cousins that love us and my adopted sister...
Just when we thought we had no family God provided abundantly!!!
But I am also Thankful for the small things...for the grocery clerk, the paper boy for food & people that provide services every day....

May I not dwell on my problems in life on what I don't have & instead praise for Gods goodness!!!

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Who will care for me???

I listen quietly as the others talk
"oh my son will decide" one lady says
"my daughter will make the decisions"
Another chimes in
I listen see We have no one who will make decisions for us, or help
Us or see about us
That is one of the drawbacks of living childless without Family
Oh my niece has signed to take over when we can't but EXCUSE me
We never talk to her nor see
How does she know what we want &
I don't want someone I never see or hear
From deciding where I am going to spend
My last days...
So we will care for each other & live day to day & trust that we will go before we need more help than we can give ourselves!!!
Maybe I should just say God will care for us as that's all we have!!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Computer age

A LONG time ago I would save my Craft
Patterns in files, then they went into Notebooks...Got 20 or so notebooks...
Then the Floppy disks came out so I have 30 or so Floppy Disks...oh and then
CDs so have a pile of CD's and now Thumb I now have several of Thumb Drives...
So when I need a Pattern I go to my books & Files...forget the disk I have no
Floppy device and I have NO time to search through my CDs & Thumb Drives
Because several hours have now passed
So I do an Internet Search and there it is...
So why do I keep it all....
Because they are my Craft Patterns
: > )

Friday, June 3, 2011

Be the Best you can be

Today I received a message from a dear
Friend of mine who reminded me of a very important lesson...
Be the best you can be
Whether you are a mother, daughter, wife
Or need to strive to be the BEST
In the past year or so (since Mom died) I
Have reconnected with old friends, cousins, nieces & nephews
I have made new friends & now have an adopted sister...
So in order to find happiness we need to strive for the best where God places us...
I am soooo blessed!!!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

New church

We love our is small
But at times I find it difficult to fit into a
Church where people have known each other for years but have only known us for a little while...
I see my poor cousin & all she is going through with her husband but there are church people there & relatives there, her daughter, step-daughter, step-son etc
When I cared for my parents I was by Mom passed with me church..only Me & wait God...
Yep I do get jealous as no one there knows where we have been, but they know each life goes on...the times I remember God was not there He really was...
How I long for a Large family & alot of church friends...but you can't have everything now can you???
How I remember pastors in the past that loved us & had a relationship with us...but I need to realize it won't be that way again!!!
Life goes on & now I need to learn how to deal with a Jealous heart!!!
I think it all stems from our inabilities to have children & a big family!!!
If we had children life would be different, there would be Kids they grew up with, churches they grew up in, schools, graduations, weddings etc
Instead the last 10 years have been Nursing Homes, independent living centers, Assisted living centers, hospice, hospitals & fitting in work also!!!
Only God knows WHY!!

Monday, May 16, 2011

33 years of Marriage

After 33 years of marriage I look back. When we were newly weds we had high
Hopes & dreams. A big house by the lake with lots of children.
Dreams never cease but they just change.
We have camped together in tents, on motorcycles, in pouring rain, tornados & storms.
But we also faced the storms of life.
While many men are there for the birth of the child, my husband was there for each surgery to have a child...he held my hand when I cried & he understood because he faced the same emotions...
We prayed together & cried together & are still childless...while many became parents & now grandparents we will never have that role or that graduation or wedding that parents share!!!
Then there was the caregiving years, not something we asked for but a very stressful yet enjoyable time. From the year dad moved in with us to the placement in a nursing home to moving Mom from her house of over 50 years..
I would like to say we were strong & endured each trial bravely, when in reality we needed others to hold us up. We learned to laugh through it all & look for the good..
Together we faced the parents death & now I find myself asking the same questions they did "who will take care of me"?
The answer lies in what I told Mom & Dad "God will take care of you"
Life may not always be what you started dreaming it would be, but it will always be where God leads it to be!!

Friday, April 29, 2011

Work & Family

Sometimes I get frustrated with work & being w Family...when dad was in the nursing home he would go in the Hosp for blood first Mom & I would take turns being w him...until it was becoming every other month and even with a job w Family leave you have to decide do I go every time he goes into the hospital (even for overnight) & every nursing home mtg & take Mom to the Drs etc etc ( yes there Is still guilt there)

Now my poor cousins husband is in the hospital & I wish I could be with her...sit with her & hold her hand but work, job & life prevents me from doing that!!!

I LOVE you Nolie!!!
You have been a blessing to me!!!

Monday, April 25, 2011

Finished Beaded Ornaments

Here is my latest Finish!!!

Sunday, April 24, 2011


Sometimes I hate all this technology.. I
Never have time anymore for checking my E-mail & FB & Words with Friends etc etc etc
I have made a vow to call one person a week & actually talk..
Mom & I talked every she got elderly it would be about the doggies but at least we had a relationship
I think that is why I will never have a relationship with my real sister...she is too busy & we never communicate!!
But as much as I hate technology...I have a laptop, iPhone & continue updating..
I thought I didn't write on my blog because I had lost interest when the real reason was I only turn on my laptop to check Email & my banks...
So when a friend of mine showed me her BLOG app on her IPhone I HAD to have it...
Yes it took me 2 days to set it up but I am in & I just love it when I beat technology (even after 2 days)

Friday, February 11, 2011

Soccer Moose

This is a Cross Stitch picture I made
For R J for Christmas


Wow been along time since I have updated this thing

Shame on me!!
Guess Life has just got the best of me
Been doing GREAT!!
Had good Holidays with family we never even imagined
Going to church with my cousin...spent Holidays in Lawton with my husbands
cousin, drew names for next year also...but hopefully will see them before then

Guess we just decided we can sit here without family...have a Sister I never talk to (never
even sent me a BD gift) does that surprise me...NO as she did not care for the parents nor does
she care for us either...have a niece to whom I only talk to on FB occasionally and will probably
never see again...her child I only see on pictures have another great nephew about to be born
that I probably will never see but forget all that

Found we still have family...Our brothers and sisters have their family and their kids and
grandkids but if we want to have happiness and family we have to go look for it and have found
it in our cousins

We were going to a huge church to which we had no close friends so we changed to my cousins church to which I have made new friends and even talk to my cousin occasionally and our life
have improved drastically...We are happy and looking forward to new and great things to happen in our life!!!