Thursday, April 29, 2010

Robyns BD

These are pics of Robyn

growing up...hard to believe she is

35 today...WOW!!

Below here she is with Bryan..

and to the right after Scott

came along!!

Here is Robyn around

two or three in Preschool

My favorite pic of Robyn...I sent her a BD card for her BD
and it must have been her very first card she received as
she carried it around with her for 3 weeks...

Here she is with her Baby bottle...

The Ray family

Grandpa, Grandma and Aunt Nita holding Robyn..
I was 20 when she was born

They grow up so fast and it is hard to believe that she is 35 today...
It is hard to believe that I am 55 It is hard to believe that family is not as close as they once were and I wish I could be with her to help her celebrate her BD...but sending cards and hugs and love is about as much as I can do....
she has been there for me and I appreciate it so much...

Life out of Control

Sometimes I feel like my Life is out of control...
After Moms death and Dr found an abdominal aneurysm in my dear husband...
This was in late December...he was immediately put on "light duty" at work and at home
At first it was like he was ready to die at any minute however as he had to undergo many tests we began to relax...If it was being prolonged for so long and the Drs were not worried then we were not either however it does cause stress and tension waiting and waiting for them to decide whether or not to do the surgery and then the date of the surgery..

Unfortunately when you are dealing with surgeons it is not on your time table but theirs..depending on what they have going on and when they can do the surgery..
They did the surgery in Late February and we were on our way.....or so we thought...
We could finally get back to our lives and camping weather was coming up fast so we can
go the Summer with no problems....

After a Month he had to go back for a Kat Scan and while waiting on a full Drs release we find out once again he is scheduled for surgery...Seems the stint they place in him was leaking and not sealing properly so they again have to go in and fix it...
Surgery was scheduled for this past Wed and the unexpected happened...the Drs office called my husband the day before...something happened to the Surgeon...what they would not say but all surgeries are cancelled and now they are looking for a new here we are again sitting and waiting and wondering when it will be...

Part of my problem is I am an scheduler and a planner...I can tell you already when our camping trips are going to we are dealing with the stress and tension of not knowing and wondering and a life in control of not us but of the Medical field...

I am having a hard time learning to take life one day at a time...Will it ever be Normal again??
No not since Mom passed...she was my shopping buddy and we went everywhere together so now I go alone...she was the one that I talked to...but now I feel alone...she was the one that had faith for me that added us to all the Prayer lists in town...she was the one that I went to when I was stressed...and now she is not even here for me...

I am having to learn to trust in God for my happiness, for my faith, for my assurance...God knows and everything is all in His control...not mine...that is a hard lesson to learn...

Monday, April 26, 2010


Last night I was going through some of Moms papers...
She kept EVERYTHING and I am sure to post alot of it...

however there are some things that made me feel guilty...

Guilty that I did not do everything she wanted me to do
Guilty that I did things as a teenager and guilty that many
times I dissappointed her...

I guess in some ways we are alike...We seem to enjoying writting and
Journaling and tell when we are Happy and when we are Sad..
However when I find those Sad times that she wrote about I feel bad and
so guilty that she felt that way and that I did not do or say more to help or that
I did something that hurt her whether it was when I was younger or older

With all that said You have to realize that you are human too and God does forgive
He has forgiven my teenage years, He has forgiven my Young adult years and He
had forgiven my older years...
If God can forgive then I can forgive myself and I will do that...
Starting today I will concentrate on Forgiving myself and living a forgiven life!!

The Bend In The Road

In going through Moms stuff I found this Poem that she loved


Sometimes we come to life's crossroads
And view what we think is the end,
But God has a much wider vision,
And He know it's only a Bend---

The road will go on and get smoother,
And After we've stopped for a rest,
The path that lies Hidden beyond us
If Often the Part that is best--

So rest and relax and grow stronger--
Let go and let God share your load-
And have faith in a brighter tomorrow-
You've just come to a Bend in the road.

By- Helen Steiner Rice

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Discouraging and Encouraging words

Many times we hear discouraging words...words spoken without thought put into them first...
Just the other night someone said something and it really hurt me down deep inside...the words
penetrated my heart to where I wanted to cry...It hurt my life and I did not like what I heard..
they were totally discouraging words...The person that uttered them spoke them out of haste without thinking of what she was saying first...

I am sure many times I have spoken words also without haste that has hurt someone also...
But why is it we can often remember the discouraging words but rarely do we recall the Encouraging words??

Do you remember the Usher at church that greeted you this morning?
Do you remember the little lady in the luncheon line that smiled so sweetly at you??
Do you remember the young lad at the grocery store that let you in first??

Lets try to remember the encouraging words and not the discouraging words...Let also try to encourage others to whom cross our path whether is be a co-worker to whom we have problems with or just someone in passing to whom we hold open a door or let them in line before us..

Smile and encourage someone today!!! You never know but it might just bring a smile to both yours and their lives alike!! : > )

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Camp Wannasew 2010

This is a Scissor Fob that I made at Camp Wannasew it was really easy to make

This is a Pin Cushion that I finished at Camp Wannasew it is made out of Wool threads (to which I learned that I did not lite to stitch with)

This is a Camp Wannasew Magent I thought it would make a great souvenior and hold onto my needles also

This is a Thread Holder with my Project behind it

This is a Holder for the above Thread Holder it is made out of Silk Threads (To which I love stitching with) it is my first time stitching with Silks and it was soooo much fun...I rushed to finish it so that I could complete the project

I started out driving across town to meet a new friend. I had left my Phone number with the SilverNeedle shop in Tulsa,OK in case someone else wanted someone to ride with them..I did not like to drive on far trips (yes hubby drives everywhere when we travel) plus I used to enter all the fatality reports for the OHP and I get a little nervous...
Anyway I found someone to whom wanted a rider...He name is June
I didn't know what to expect as this was my first time at camp...Oh I had been to camps before when I was a teenager and yes I went on excersions with my stitching group but never just to a stitching camp...
I met June and she was really nice..We made friends right way, I am really glad I met her..
She had been to camp before and clued me in on what to bring..
We stopped first to get something to eat then we went to the stitch shop and of course I found more stuff to buy (shhhh don't tell my husband) We then headed to the camp...
before we got there we had to detour as there was an overturned semi blocking the road...I checked to see if one of my buddies was working it but could not tell...
We got off the beaten path and June was confused as to where we were going so I got out the good ole road map...Yes we were OK just going the long way around...
We got to camp and sure enough it was like camp...We had a room with 5 women (including us) and there was one bed and two bunk beds...we both had a bottom bunk..
The bathrooms were down the hall and you had to remember to take everything with you...Train case, clothes and towel (to which you would forget most of the time)
There was a big room full of tables and we all stitched at the tables...I was surprised to find women from all over the USA there...the two others at our table were from Missouri
There was quite a few from Tx and there was women from Florida, Michigan, Pennsylvania, Kansas and more places
The first day we were on our own...We ate at the lodge and stitched our own projects..
The next day was when it all began around 0300pm...
They came out and sat up table for us to shop on...Anything you would want...Patterns, bags, stitching supplies etc
They passed out our projects and then the fun began...stitching away...Friday we went to an Amish Farm for supper and it was terrific...we had one of the best dinners and all homemade..
Then we went back and a few of us went on a walk...when we got back in we began stitching...I finished one project the first night...The pin cushion and the scissor Fob...they were quite easy just stitched with wool and I hated the threads...I stayed up until 1230am stitching them..
The next day I finished them at the finishing table,,
I then started the Holder for the Thread Holder...It was done with Silks and I loved working with them only the project seems a bit more time consuming...I again stayed up until I finished the project...
On Saturday I had a Massage and we had a good breakfast and lunch and for Supper we had Pizza and salad...
The Highlight of the camp was when the smoke alarms kept going off and the Office did not want to fix if we could stitch with alarms going off..
On Sunday we were all sad that it was over with...we stayed for a little while longer and left around 11:00 am..
Overall it was a good camp and a great way to meet new friends...
I may just have to make this an Annual Event...

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The Store

I didn't know if I could do it or not but I thought I would give it a try..
I am always willing to try at least once just to see if I can really do it..
This was going to be hard...extremely hard..

I had to pick a "Mothers day" card for a Secret Pal of mine in a Mothers Day exchange...
and here I was at the Card Isle..

At first I was problem..then there they were..staring at me so BIG and BOLD
To Mother from Daughter...I did not break down like I thought I would but I felt big tears in my
eyes...No one else was around...GOOD!!
I hate for others who are strangers to see me cry...I saw another woman pick up a card then
put it down and walk away to a different isle...
"Had she lost her Mother also??"
"Did she know what I was feeling down deep inside??"
"Did she not have children also?? Did she know the pain involved in anothers Mothers Day and this one without Mom??"

I quickly looked through the card grabbing those I needed...For a friend, another one for a lady
who encouraged Mom so much, and of course One for my Aunt...(I have her one every year and
she misses Mom as much as I do I am sure!!)
Then it caught my eyes...Yes so big and bright...a Special card...One that Mom would have given
to me...She knew I hated going to church on Mothers Day yet I took her because I cherish my Moments with Honor and show my Love to her...So she would also give me a card...because she wanted me to be included on Mothers Day also..

On the Front it says "For Someone Special Who means a Lot to me" and on the inside it reads
"Its hard to find the words
For loving things I'ld like to say,
And all the special joys
I wish for you on Mothers Day---
But since you understand so well,
I know somehow you'll guess
How much you mean to me
How much I wish you happiness.

It will be my special card to ME from Mom and Me both...After all if I don't Love myself
first no one else wll and it is a card Mom would have wanted me to have..
I am so glad in our support group..Mr Gibson said...
"It is OK to be sad, or mad or depressed..It doesn't mean you are less of a Christian just that
you are Human" and in the next few weeks I will try to remember that I am Human..

Thursday, April 15, 2010

The House

These are Picture of my Childhood Home...
It is all so empty now...
There are Memories behind this house...both good and
Bad Memories
My parents bought the house when I was only 5 Months old
I used to tell them I helped them move into the house...(LOL)
I remember growing up there and doing sommersaults on the
couch in the TV we grew up the TV room became my sisters Bedroom and
my sommersaults went outside...
We brought friends over and had Sunday dinners of Roast Beef, Meat Loaf or Chicken...
Often inviting the Minister after Curch or a girlfriend or two...
I had Roller Skating parties every year for my Birthday and lots of people over for
Christmas and Thanksgiving...My parents often invited the unexpected for Thanksgiving...
One time prisoners from the Prison Release Center...
My Dad voluntered at the Local Nursing Home and we often went with him on Sunday afternoons and sang for the elderly...
We had no cell phones back then and parents bought a long cord for the Phone so I could talk in the bathroom (In privacy) with only one bathroom no one was allowed to enter while I was on the phone...
There were signs on my door "No NOT Enter" "Danger..Enter At your own Risk" (I was a teenager)
After my sister got married that only left Mom, Dad and me...I often cleaned the house as a surprise for them or cooked a meal when they were busy elsewhere...
We grew older and so did the house...
We got married, we moved...we we came back to the house where Mom and Dad were...I would take Dad out for Breakfast they were both on walkers now and I knew exactly where to find them...either at the Local Mall (they were Mall Walkers) or at the Sr Nutrition Center..
There are Bad memories also...Dad had Parkinsons and started falling... I had to take him from the house and into our house...Mom cried as I am crying now..It was really hard on her..
Then Dad got better and after a year went back with Mom...He lasted a year and finally we had to take him from the house and into a nursing home...
Mom stayed there by herself for 3 yrs
I will always miss the Grocery nights that Mom and I had..For over 30 yrs every other Thursday was grocery night...I would pick Mom up after work and we would go shopping (we both loved shopping together and even enjoyed our grocery nights) To this day I cannot enter Crest on Douglas in Midwest City.
I finally had to move Mom from the house into Independent Living...Mom Cried...I cried for her and wish she could have stayed there but I did what I thought was best for her..
It took a year to clean out the house...and it is now Empty...It will soon be gone...not in the family anymore..
I could never live in the house with all the Memories...but what I have to realize is that house is just a house...It is the Parents and the loved ones that make a Home..
I grew up not in a House but in a Home...Mom and Dad never realized this but they never ever left their Home...When Mom was sitting in the nursing home with Dad (holding hands and praying together) they were at Home...When Mom came over here for Sunday Dinners she was at Home...When Mom was in Assisted Living and I came to see her with my dogs...She was at Home...
Mom and Dad are both at Home now with their Heavenly Father and I pray I will always have a Home...even when my husband is gone I pray God will provide loving people to give me a Home full of love, and joy like I have experienced growing up.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Somethings In Life Just Aren't Fair

Somethings In Life Just Aren't Fair
By Nita Bourland

When Disappointments occur and life just isn't fair,
and it seems to be constant sorrow,
When you have Heartaches and tears,
And an inability to face a tomorrow.

When you think you have it all togeher
and it all ends upside down...
When you laugh outside
but inside is an overwhelming frown...

That is when you Let God guide your Steps
as well as your stops
It is called trusting in Him
He'll never let you drop..

That is when you realize HE is all you need
You look up above
And Trust His guidance
And bask in His amazing LOVE!!!

God has not promised,
Joy all the time
But He has promised Life through it all
And Peace so Divine!!!


Sometimes we take people for granite...
Sometimes people are soooo nice to us and we get so used to it we don't look at the small things...

As My Husband is faced with yet another surgery and we are wondering why???
I have to look at my friends that have stuck behind me...

There is the lady that her husband went through the same procedure...She talked to me for hours assuring me that all the tests and waiting were normal,
There are my friends who assured me when I was faced with Depression that I was quite Normal considering that I had been through so much lately...
There is the lady who sat with me during surgery while we waited...(something me and Mom always did together),
then there were the Hidden angels...the Nurses and Doctors and friends and co-workers...
all going about their every day life but all caring for each other...

If you see someone give them a smile..
Sometimes when at the grocery store (another chore Mom and I did together) I see someone I smile at them...and you know it makes me and the one I smile at both feel so much better...

Thank You God for Friendships

The Dad that I Adore

This is the Poem I wrote for Dads Funeral

The Dad that I Adore
By Nita Bourland

He was young and strong,
and could fix anything.
Always teaching me right from wrong,
He was the Dad that I Adored.

As I grew older so did he
At my Wedding he gave me away
Always helping me husband and me,
He was the Dad that I Adored.

When elder age came so fast
Going out for breakfast
Was how our time would often pass,
He was the Dad that I Adored.

Mom tried to care for dad,
Likewise so did we,
Seeing him fall as ever so sad,
He was the Dad that I Adored.

Placing him in nursing care
Was a very heartbreaking time
Sometimes Life just isn't fair,
He was the Dad that I Adored.

He is pain free at last
He loved us until the end,
Rest in peace, your free at last,
He will always be the Dad that I Adored.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The "Thing"

I call it the "Thing"

It has followed us like a plague since end of December...
We were quite lucky in a way as if they had not found the "Thing" my husband may not be here today...
What is the "Thing"...It is an Abdominal Aneurysm...I even learned how to spell it...
The Family Doctor found it in late December so that meant tests...
Kat Scans, MRI's, Ultra Sounds, Heart Catherization tests going to the Heart specialists and
the Surgeon...

Fortunately for me I had a friend whom had the same thing with her husband last year...
She told me all this was Normal and that it would take awhile...

Well He finally had surgery in Late February...Yea!! He was good to go and we were rid of the "Thing" or so we thought...
Here it is April and we are still waiting on a release from the Dr to return to FULL duty from Light duty...Well now that Stint they put in is leaking and hubby needs more surgery...Even though we got rid of and aneurysm the "Thing" is back to plague us...

So he is again scheduled for a couple weeks...
We are soooo tired of "The Thing"!!!
We think will this ever be over with??? Will the "Thing" ever be gone?? Or are we just aging to the point to where we will have health problems now??

We have resolved that "The Thing" will NOT stop us from enjoying our life, Our camping, our marriage...we will get through it and live to tell how we survived "The Thing"!!!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Sticks and Stones

There is an old saying...."Sticks and Stones may break my bones....but words will never hurt me"
My husband and I were talking about this the other day...How untrue the saying is...How words will hurt you...someone elses words will hurt you...How some things you never get over...It never heals and is a constant nagging on your heart and your life...
With my Mom is was her TB and losing a child at birth...With my sister it is something that Mom said to her years ago and she cannot let go of...
With me it is the inability to have a child...Being a childless woman in a Parental world...

and Yes words do hurt...words like..."You are lucky you don't have children" or
"You haven't lived until you have become a grandparent" or "I have a question for all your Mothers"...Yes words do hurt...Yet words also heal...

I have a saying I like to live by...
Don't be sad for what you don't have but be glad for what you do have...
I just heard one recently...God is good....................All the time....
Everyday is a good day...some are just better than others.....
Well the other day I was a little down and depressed when a long time friend of mine told me this.....
A Miracle would Not be a Miracle if it happened all the time....WOW!!! How true is that??
Did God heal everyone who could not walk??? Did God give sight to every single blind person??
If he had it would not have been a Miracle when he did!!!
I may not have received the Miracle that I had so wanted but I have received much more...
I have received true blessings from friendships!!!
God loves us and does not have to preform a Miracle for me to believe that!!

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Faithful Friend

Is it faithful or not??? It is something that plagues me every year about this time...Oh yes I am quite used to it...
It is called Depression...
Went to church to day and wanted to cry...Why??? Because I feel totally helpless and out of control...We had tried so hard to have children but it never did work out...We had alot of Medical procedures and lost 7 or 8 different forms of adoptions...
But it never worked out...I would cry and Mom would be there for me...She always planned picnics in the Park on "Mothers Day" and she would have a little present for every woman (Not just for the Mothers)...My Mom did not always understand but she tried...

So as I started to church today I felt this faithful friend overtaking my heart and my life...Will I get past the next few weeks?? especially since Mom is not here for me?? I enjoyed pampering her and fixing her up and giving her flowers and doting over her on "Mothers Day" I would write my gratitude list and Moms name would be at the top...I may not have children but I still have my Mom and that would get me past the season...But this year I do not even have that to rely on...
Back to Church today...I met a lady in the hallway She is not close to me...we barely know each other we met on a Shopping trip to Canton,Tx but we talked and we shared and I felt her Love, then in Sunday School I received a "Special Card" from a dear friend of mine...
All this helped but I still felt the depression...One day at a time...

In church the preacher preaches on I Cor 15...I can't tell you the pts of his sermon but I can share a part of the verse I Cor 15:1-2 "Moreover, brethern, I declare unto you the gospel which I preached unto you, which also ye have received, and wherein ye stand; By which also ye are saved,if ye keep in memory which I preached unto you, unless ye have believed in vain."

The only way to get by this season is to rely on God...on the gospel that I grew up on, on the faith that I grew up on...Faith is believing God even when it did not happen...Faith is knowing God knew better than what my heart feels and that God will help me to feel like a woman even without children...
What is the faith of my parents???
I saw Mom and Dad attend church even when they could not hear...
I saw them attend church even whan they had problems staying awake...
I saw them attend church even in the nursing home and Pray for others in the Nursing Home...
If my co-worker Kelley were with me she would say "Go into your office and write your
gratitude list"
1-I am Thankful God comforts me
2-I am Thankful for Friends who may not understand but do care
3- I am Thankful for growing up in a Christian home and learning that God is there even when we do not feel Him there

Happy Birthday

Tomorrow would had been Moms 88th Birthday...

she always LOVED her BD and made sure everyone knew when it was

Last year her BD was on Easter...
We were all sitting around the table having a Ham Dinner when all of a sudden
Mom pipped up and said "You know I don't remember the last time Easter fell on a Sunday!!"
It was tooo funny we were all trying not to burst out in laughter..

So to Honor Mom this year I stitch a Piece for Moms BD twin (not a real twin) just a lady Mom met that has the same BD as her...same day same year...

I will always cherish the Days we spent together...She was my Mother, my Friend, my companion and it is ironic that Mom never felt loved and she has NO idea how much she is missed!!

Life After the Parents

When the parents were here everything involved around them...I made sure for every Holiday we were here...There were activities...picnics and parties. The nursing home had activities and the Indepedent Living Center had activities and the Assisted Living Center had activities...

Once Mom took a little quiz on one of the Holidays they got a little prize for it and she had me hang it on my refrigerator....
Not only were there activities but I felt like a "Mother" as I had become a parent to the parent...
When My Dad had back surgery I dressed him, helped him put his shoes on, I spent the night in the Hospital with him...
Then after Dad I immediately began to help Mom...I helped her dress last year on Mothers Day week-end I was in charge of their meds, of all the decisions...It became a big responsibility and a Major undertaking..

Now that they are gone there is a big void...I am No one, I go to church where everyone is Mother or a GrandMother and I ask WHO am I?? There are no longer any parties or events, no activity no one to care for...

I get sad and I used to think "Why is God allowing my parents to live so long??" Well now I know It was hard and stressful work but it kept me I ask
What now???

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Camper Peanut


Camper Babe

Babe in the Camper

R J and Great Aunt Nita

Waiting for Lunch

Hair cut

Birthday Magnets

I am stitching a Magnet for everyones BD in the Office
this one was for Brittany for March

The Twelve Blessings of Christmas

I made this for our fireplace but ended up giving it away to a friend of ours who was getting a divorce...

Christmas with Dad

I always enjoyed Christmas with Dad and remember

he got me simple Items...

He was the BEST!!