In the eyes of God

I seem to make a decision (read one scripture verse a day)...well I don't know what is wrong but it will last for maybe a day or two or three then I forget or my life gets in the way..

What happened to my dedication or devotion?? Where am I at in the eyes of God...

I don't think God wants our dedication and devotion and yes he loves to see the person who is reading the entire Bible in a year however to me right now God seems so faw away...It may be all the struggles we have been through the past 10 yrs...caring for the parents...screaming out "why does God hate me??" the death of the parents...the guilt of things I could have gone differently...feeling ashamed the I screamed at God!! Wishiing the parents were still here (even with the stress and struggles) The many tears I cried at night and many tears I still cry...when I am alone in the dark with no one watching except me and God..

But I believe God see our effort also...He is pleased when we try...He may not look at it as failure the way we look at it as failure...He may just want us to live one day at a time...one thought at a time one moment at a time and dwell on the future...

Has God moved?? He seems so far up there...losing three relatives within two years is not easy and makes me dwell on death and after death...I get scared and I get lonely and I miss the parents, and my aunt...but I will take it one day at a time one thought at a time one moment at a time and keep on trying to look up..