Rededication

OK as many of you care-givers know....Caring for loved ones is very time consuming and takes us away from family and relationships...
We did now ask for this just kinda happened
Hubby and I were very close and we went to church together, then we got involved in a Christian Motorcycle group...we finally got tired of that so we sold our Motorcycle and spent some time remodeling the house...plans were to get an RV however it was about that time that Dad fell on the ice...
He was OK at first then unable to walk...so I took him to Drs who sent him to rehab...I came home in tears...hubby said what is wrong? Hello rehab is the skilled unit of the nursing home..
Dad did OK at first and was able to go back home then he kept falling (Parkinsons) and finally
got to where he could not walk...so Mom calls me crying that she cannot take care of him...I was driving 50 miles a day...would go over there before work to help get him on the pot then he had in-home health care during the day and I would go after work to help again..
Finally we just put our heads together and Hubby and I decided to take him over to our house to live...(worst decision ever)
Mom was upset (her spouse of 50 some years was being taken away from her and Mom had never lived alone!!) I would take him to church on Sunday Morning (He was the secretary of his department) and him and Mom would be in church together it was also the only time Hubby and I would have our quit time together...then Mom would come over after church and we would have a Sunday dinner together...
Why did I do this?? Well maybe it was because I was always close to my parents and maybe it was because dad was a Baptist Deacon and I wanted to help him as much as possible...
But we thought about divorce often (and we always had a solid marriage) and many times I was faced with trying to decide between the parents and my spouse...
Finally Dad had back surgery and we got him back on a walker and he was able to go back to Mom...well she was afraid she could not care for him again so Hubby went over there and built an excellent ramp for them...
The first Day he went back to his house he fell and Mom called crying but that would be the first of many falls (Parkinsons again) But I guess I started putting Parents before God and hubby...my intensions were good but it just happened...
My husbands parents passed at an early age, His Mom was 54 and his dad was 60 so he always told me to take care of the parents...
Well after about a year of Dad being back with Mom he had a major fall and spent the night in the floor that was when Hospice said he needed to be in a nursing home...so we called 911 and placed him in the Hospital (so he could get 90 days of Medicare in the nursing home) and I set out finding a place for Dad...It was the worse Day of my life when I placed him in the nursing home for good...If I would have known then what I know now I think he could have been in an assisted living center that was progressive...but I only did what Hospice suggested and we did not expect him to be there 3 1/2 yrs He was a survivor...
I went through so much depressions and turmoil during this time that hubby and I knew we needed a church home...So I placed dad in a nursing home in April and in Oct we joined a local Baptist church...in fact we did not visit any others but his one and they have a tremendous prayer ministry to which I found very helpful...I spent alot of hours and e-mails sending to the Prayer room. We found Sunday School classes and began praying together and attending church..we needed this support as Mom was also going through depression and grief (yes you can grieve for someone before they pass I found this out the summer before Dad passed)
After about 3 yrs Mom began having health problems herself and she fell...I also saw that she just could not live by herself any longer...so I began looking for a place for her as well...I found a very lovely Independent living center for her but expensive as well...I was the one in charge of their finances...so to help out I would take turns with the aide taking Mom to Sunday School and church...This also did not help my relationship with hubby or God...I felt alot of times I needed to be in church with my spouse and became jealous many times...but I also enjoyed doing this for Mom...I would bring her back home and My wonderful hubby would have dinner ready for us...Then Dad passed in Oct 2008 and Mom suffered from grief and depressions to which I tried very hard to help her...It was at this time she began having problems with her Alzheimers so I had the Dr place her on Aricept, Namenda and Zoloft It at least kept her independent for about 9 more months...We had gotten away from our Sunday School classes and we again needed to attend church together...we tried several classes but did not fit in well...Finally we found a good class we both loved. The pastor had just started it...we both enjoyed it and we attended as much as possible...Then Mom started forgetting more and more and I had to make the decision of placing her in Assisted Living...it was good for everyone...It helped Mom to stay as independent as possible and it helped me and hubby to begin attending our Sunday School and church more...
Then Mom passed in Dec 2009. Our Sunday School class really helped out alot and I feel that easied the grief experience...After the grief was over I began looking at our own lives and marriage...Yes we attended church and yes we prayed but it was not what it should be. So we started really getting into the Bible and praying together and increasing our relationship with each other and with God..
Would I do it again?? Yes I would in a heartbeat!! But I think I would concentrate more on our relation with each other and with God...