Grief

What is grief?? I came from a small family so had not been to alot of funerals..I remember in my early 20's a friend of mine had her mother in the hospital (I think she had a hysterectomy) so I knowing she was religious person set out to find a gift to give her before my visit...It was around Memorial Day (a day set aside for Picnics) so I found a lovely arrangements in the shape of a cross...Yep I was fortunate enough to show everyone at work my new find...Finally a friend said "Nita you do know that is an arrangement to put on a grave!!!" I am so glad she told me so I ended up giving it to the parents so they could place it on the grave of the baby they had lost when My sister was born and buying something else for the lady in the hospital...

When we tried to have children, I felt a loss every Month but did not realize what this was and became severly depressed...I had let the grief every Month turn into depression. I did not really know what this was until my Husbands Mom had passed and I felt a loss at her passing...then I began to realize that the loss I was experiencing every month was also a form of grief..

I have also found that everyone grieves in their own way and you may not grieve the same way each time...
When My Dad had passed I had grieved for him the summer before (this is common with care-givers) as I had lost the Dad I used to have, the Dad who could fix anything, the Dad who was strong and he was now in a nursing home not even able to get out of bed without help...

I found it was fortunate that I had grieved for him beforehand because when Dad passed I had to help Mom through her grief of losing her spouse...She was 86 and did not understand what she was feeling..
Mom had also grieved for Dad ahead of time, each time he was taken away from her to move into the nursing home, or come to our house etc she had grieved over losing her husband.
But her real grief came at his death...She was depressed, wanting to join him and wanting to die..

Then when Mom died I thought OK I have done this before I can do it again...Oh yes I was just fine up until the Funeral...we had friends and food over here every day...and I was in charge because I knew I had to be...I planned the funeral and everything...then the Day of the Funeral I became sick and nervous...I had to have help getting ready and I cried all during the service..
The following Saturday we moved all her things from her apartment and that evening saw a friend of mine down the street...It was cold and we both cried together in the street in the cold..the next day I went to church... I was good in Sunday School and church and felt a little down so decided to go shopping...
Yep in the middle of Kohls it hit me...I began crying...I ran out and called a friend of mine who assured me that it was Normal grief and would not be the last...She said to go to my car and have a good cry then continue my shopping...
Since then I have had my sadness...Like pulling up the Christmas decorations knowing we had no one left to enjoy them except for us...or like when it was icy and snowy and remembering that the last time it was like this (2 yrs ago) that Mom was still at the house and had an anxiety attack so she came over here and we crocheted together...
Yes sadness but I have also learned not to let your grief turn into depression no matter what you are grieving about because there is always something to be happy about...You can find something you can think happy thoughts, positive thoughts and trust in God and everything ends up all right...Grief is a normal part of life and I am thankful that God always sees us through it!!