Alone

Our lesson last Sunday was titled alone...
It was about Jesus feeling alone and how some people do not cope well with being alone...

I was also volunteered as what they called the "Sunshine Lady" for our class...
Ever since then I have been soooo depressed...

I just want to sit and cry...
It started back in Dec when Mom passed, then the dr found an aneurysm in my hubby and he just recently had surgery, then my job was going to furlough four days a month, and what got me over the edgeis last Friday our neighbors (the ones we celebrate all the Holidays with) are moving to Houston,Tx...so we are ALONE!!!
No family no one to celebrate Holidays with except ourselves...
I told hubby I was going through a midlife crisis and he said "I thought you already went through that" and I said "No it lasts until I am 80"

We are the 1% of the population that never was able to have children...so everywhere I go it is about family and children...in Sunday School and church is on parenthood and children, my friends talk about their children and grandchildren...
Sometimes I want to crawl in a hole and hide...I want to understand why God never allowed us to have children after we tried so hard...I want to not feel sooo alone at times..

But I must realize this first year after the parents is the toughest. It is the adjustment period. Learning to live without them, Learning to live with just us and learning to live life...

The daily devotion at work yesterday was
"Lord...Lead us in the direction you want us to walk rather in the direction we want to walk"
Yep that was meant for me...
It will get better...I MUST believe that...I must trust in God to help in every situation and I must realize that I am not alone...there are alot of other out there that do not have family or children also. (I just haven't met them yet...LOL)
I will hang in there and pray for Happiness...