Is it faithful or not??? It is something that plagues me every year about this time...Oh yes I am quite used to it...
It is called Depression...
Went to church to day and wanted to cry...Why??? Because I feel totally helpless and out of control...We had tried so hard to have children but it never did work out...We had alot of Medical procedures and lost 7 or 8 different forms of adoptions...
But it never worked out...I would cry and Mom would be there for me...She always planned picnics in the Park on "Mothers Day" and she would have a little present for every woman (Not just for the Mothers)...My Mom did not always understand but she tried...
So as I started to church today I felt this faithful friend overtaking my heart and my life...Will I get past the next few weeks?? especially since Mom is not here for me?? I enjoyed pampering her and fixing her up and giving her flowers and doting over her on "Mothers Day" I would write my gratitude list and Moms name would be at the top...I may not have children but I still have my Mom and that would get me past the season...But this year I do not even have that to rely on...
Back to Church today...I met a lady in the hallway She is not close to me...we barely know each other we met on a Shopping trip to Canton,Tx but we talked and we shared and I felt her Love, then in Sunday School I received a "Special Card" from a dear friend of mine...
All this helped but I still felt the depression...One day at a time...
In church the preacher preaches on I Cor 15...I can't tell you the pts of his sermon but I can share a part of the verse I Cor 15:1-2 "Moreover, brethern, I declare unto you the gospel which I preached unto you, which also ye have received, and wherein ye stand; By which also ye are saved,if ye keep in memory which I preached unto you, unless ye have believed in vain."
The only way to get by this season is to rely on God...on the gospel that I grew up on, on the faith that I grew up on...Faith is believing God even when it did not happen...Faith is knowing God knew better than what my heart feels and that God will help me to feel like a woman even without children...
What is the faith of my parents???
I saw Mom and Dad attend church even when they could not hear...
I saw them attend church even whan they had problems staying awake...
I saw them attend church even in the nursing home and Pray for others in the Nursing Home...
If my co-worker Kelley were with me she would say "Go into your office and write your
gratitude list"
1-I am Thankful God comforts me
2-I am Thankful for Friends who may not understand but do care
3- I am Thankful for growing up in a Christian home and learning that God is there even when we do not feel Him there
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1 comment:
SEnding prayers and lots of (((hugs))) to you. Please keep strong.
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