Friday, February 5, 2010

My Moms Funeral Dec 12, 2009

I guess what I have learned from all this is that you do not grieve for any two alike
With Dad seeing him in the nursinghome I grieved ahead of time...with Mom grief started the day of the Funeral...

The entire week was just so full of things to do...going back and forth to the funeral home I was OK during the week just could NOT sleep...I guess because I was in charge with NO help (except for Loretta...we got together and picked out Moms funeral dress) So I knew I could not let go..

Then the morning of the funeral I picked up my Aunt Goldie (Moms Sister) and as soon as I got home I took a bath and then felt sooo sick and nausiated and nervous...
Pam the neighbor across the street came over to do my hair...She is a nurse and helped me help Mom when Mom had grief over Dads passing...She talked to me and calmed me down and we took it one step at a time...Without her I would have never made the funeral...
during the funeral I shed tears of sadness...I missed her so much and never would be able to go shopping again with her..
After the burial my sisters, BIL, niece and son all met at a local Mexican Restaurant for dinner then we came over and exchanged Christmas...
It was the next week that I really faced My grief and sadness
We moved Moms things from her apt on Saturday and on Sat evening I saw a neighbor friend of mine I told her and we cried together in freezing weather outside...That's what girlfriends are for..then I tried to go through her Jewelry and ended up in tears (may look again 5 yrs from now)
The next day was Sunday...we went to SS and Church...I thought I was OK...until I felt a little sad so decided to go shopping...In the middle of Kohls I was grief stricken...I called a friend of mine who assured me that I was Normal..."your Mom just passed of course you feel sad...You go to your car and have a good cry then continue your shopping and realize it won't be the last time"
So I did..
Then on Mon I decided NOT to go to work...I needed another day, maybe another week, maybe another year...Then I looked at myself and said "My grief will not turn into depression and I will go on with my life" I quickly dressed and got up and out and it was the best thing to do!!
I have many friends at work (Troopers and co-workers) who all gave me prayers and encouragement...
Since then yes I have had my bouts of she was, is and always will be my Mom but with each sad Day I know there is light at the end of the tunnel and I don't have to be sad forever!!

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